Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Sex with your ex - is it a good idea?

*Statistics reveal that a significant percentage of separated and divorced partners tend to share their beds again. It might sound unrealistic and weird when you're imagining  throwing your partner out, when murder is much closer to your mind than sex, but the numbers prove that there are high chances of you having sex with your ex.

When we share a deep bond with someone special in our lives, the connection remains alive to some extent even after we break off. We still feel an attraction and an affinity towards our ex-lovers and the temptation to become intimate with them is sometimes irresistible. Many times we find ourselves in situations where we are able to relive our pasts and that familiarity draws us closer to our ex-partners. And even though we might not have planned on getting intimate, we might end up walking the past lanes again.

Sex with our exes is a more common phenomenon than we think, and has often caught people unawares.  While it might be alright to be physically intimate if you are planning to re-work on your relationship and trying to give it another shot. But if that is not the case and you are still getting tempted to “do it” with your ex, then you might want to consider a few things first before going down that lane.

Are you ready to get back with your ex?: If you have broken off a long standing relationship with someone and the break-off is not going well now, then you might be thinking of re-kindling the relationship. Being sexually intimate might sound a very good idea to re-create your lost magic; but then your partner should be equally eager and should share the same thoughts as well. There is no point in trying to manipulate your ex in getting back with you physically if he/she is not ready about it emotionally. So, before you think about sharing a bed with your ex-lover maybe you should first share your thoughts with them and see if they match. After all, it has to be both your decisions to get back and trying any sly methods have the nature of backfiring and might end with you looking foolish and more lost than ever.

Something is better than nothing: Is your need to have e repeat experience with your ex-lover; rising out of a “no options” scenario? Most times, when we break off a relationship, we feel vulnerable and very lonely. And that is when we are looking for the same kind of intimacy that we shared with our partner in the past. And if it happens that your ex is in the vicinity and is available, then things might get out of hand. You will need to do some soul-searching to see if the reason why you are getting intimate with your ex is out of loneliness and insecurity. If what you are looking for is solace, you might feel that your ex’s arms are better than nothing. In such a situation we are left feeling guilty after we realize that the sex might still be great; but there were other reasons why you got separated in the first place. Unfortunately getting intimate again will not make them disappear and you might feel worse than before.

The guilt factor: There might be times when you are in a relationship and have met your ex after a long time. The fact that you are in a relationship might not register when you find yourself in an intimate situation with your ex and decide to let caution fly. A momentary lapse of judgment might provide you with a lot old pleasure, but when reality kicks in, the novelty will start to look a little more than disastrous. Being in touch with your ex is one thing but then if you are tempted to touch every time he comes around to take the kids, then you might need to administer caution. It is not fair on your new partner for you to harbor lewd thoughts about your ex behind his back. And if the old flames spark again and you end up having sex with your ex, you might be laden with more guilt than you can bear. So before venturing down that path, you might just like to think about the nightmares of the future.

The denial factor: There are many ex-lovers who are not able to believe that they have been “dumped” and live in denial of the facts. Their thoughts run on the lines of getting back together with their ex again and they are ready to try anything to get that, sex being one of them. Unfortunately, it is quite a large number of ex-lovers who live in denial of the end of their relationships and bring a lot of harm to their lives by their actions, eventually. Even if both the couples are willing to try and work it out later, it is still unhealthy to remain obsessively attached to their ex’s lives, refusing to give up. It is essential to move on and start a new life after the break-up and harboring thoughts of seducing your ex in getting back to you is not going to help.

* Data taken from (

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