Friday, July 18, 2014

Jealous Much? Tips to deal with jealousy

A romantic relationship brings in a lot of beautiful, enchanting moments and happy memories. But along with all the nice things, it also heralds innumerable complications and concerns, jealousy being just one of them. Jealousy might develop as a small seed of mistrust; which can then blow out of proportion and destroy the foundation of a lovingly built, once-happy relationship.
Happy couple in love and third wheel
This “green eyed monster” can sprout out with some base to reality or might be just a feeling that develops without a base, owing to some inner, deeply rooted psychological concern. Psychologists have accredited the cause of jealousy to many factors, ranging from insecurity, lack of confidence in self, to a feeling or sense of threat to self. The feeling is quite normal when it is limited to a mild possessiveness; however this mild “normal” emotion might soon turn into chronic emotional instability. Sometimes jealousies are based on the treatment one receives from one’s partner. Constant rebuffs, lack of attention and interest, alignment towards other members of the sex might all be a factor which leads to jealousy. Whatever the source, the end result is always detrimental to the couple and their relationship. It is very important to understand where the feeling of jealousy has steeped from and also to nip it at the bud in order to avoid further damage. Here are some ways to avoid or repair the dents put into a relationship by the ill-effect of jealousy.

Understanding your feelings: The first and foremost thing to do when you are in the clutches of jealous thoughts is to examine where it arose from. Usually in a romantic relationship, you tend to get jealous if your partner is devoting too much attention towards someone else, but not necessarily someone from the opposite sex. Sometimes one might feel jealous of the attention your spouse is displaying on parents, friends, siblings and even colleagues. You will need to identify exactly what has triggered the feelings within you which will then help you deal with it better. If the feeling has stemmed out of a baseless factor, you will need to self-examine and self-cure before it gets any worse. If the jealousy is based on something that you feel your partner has done, it needs to be dealt with by both of you through calm and sensible discussion

Building trust: Communication is very important for a relationship to become secure and the lack of it can bring in a lot of mistrust and suspicions. A couple needs to be clear about each other’s feelings, especially about issues which are a concern for either one of them. Laying down the cards on the table about one’s likes and dislikes will nip any kind of jealous feelings in the bud. If you have any kind of distrustful emotions due to the actions of your partner, don’t keep your feelings bottled inside. Instead voice out your thoughts to your partner and let him/her assuage your doubts. Unless and until there is a base to your feeling of mistrust, there is no point of letting things get out of hand. But if there is real cause for concern, you will need to deal with the issue, instead of wallowing in feelings of envy. Besides, in many cases a compulsive possessiveness and jealousy might be the reason why your partner is not open about certain things in his life. It is therefore; very important to keep the lines of communication open and give each other the benefit of the doubt instead of raising suspicion all the time.

Gaining self-confidence: A lack of self-esteem might bring in a lot of jealous feelings within oneself. When one does not have very high opinion about self and is not sure about one’s own capability; that is when jealousy gets a chance to raise its head. Due to the feeling of inadequacy, one starts to harbor an unhealthy kind of dependency towards another which in case of a romantic relationship, is the partner. When the partner is unable to handle this kind of needy dependence, then the feelings of mistrust arise. It is essential for the health of a relationship to develop self-confidence and reliance on one’s self. Making a few positive attitude changes will bring in a new self-confidence and will tackle any kind of insecurities also. Only when both the couple has an independent life of their own, petty issues and concerns can be avoided.

Individual goals and self-reliance: Sometimes jealous feelings stem out of a feeling of inadequacy on one’s own abilities. Because of this feeling we tend to rely too much on others for fulfilling our own inadequacies and when our demands and feelings are not met, we tend to wallow in envy. It is very important for us to gain individual existence and we are self-dependent. A partner’s company or praise should not become a need; rather it should remain a want and a desire. When we have our own goals in life to fulfill and have the self-confidence in our self to sail through life, jealousy becomes a non-issue.

Dealing with threat: When a person is very much obsessed with another, he/she sees everything as a threat to their relationship. Any kind of attention that is meted out to another will be taken as a sign of affection and love and this in turn will bring fear to the mind of the partner which will trigger jealousy. It is essential for a relationship to be secure and sound and this lies in the hand of the couple who is making the relationship in the first place.

If jealousy is not handled and taken care of in the initial stages, it can lead to a myriad of problems at a later stage. Apart from harming the relationship, it will inflict a lot of emotional damage on the individual self as well. A relationship which is shrouded in jealous and envious thoughts is like a pillar which is infested with moths, if left untreated; it is going to collapse soon.

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