Friday, October 24, 2014

Are you in a rebound relationship?

The term rebound relationship does not necessarily indicate jumping into a relationship just as soon as the previous one is over. It can very well be an affiliation which is sought long after the previous relationship is over, but where the feelings and emotions of the past are still present, although they might be latent. These feelings are sometime so subtle that the person might not even be aware about it and enter into another attachment which might prove to be unsuccessful in the future.

It is very important to bring closure to the previous relationship and come out of all its bindings before deciding to indulge in another. It is not fair to inflict the aftermath of a broken relationship upon another person, just because you want to erase the memories of the past. You might be able to break free from the clutches of your emotional past by getting into a new affair, but this does not bode well for the future of your current affiliation. So, before you jump into that new relationship, you might want to check out the following signs and check if you are out of the old one.

You are checking for signs of your previous partner: It is not very unusual to look for similar attributes in your new found partner as compared to your previous one. After all, there might be some common characters which attract you in general. It is alright when the comparisons are limited to the general factors but when you start fantasizing the qualities of your ex and want them to be displayed by your current partner; that should serve as a warning signal. Sometimes, in a rebound relationship a person wants the same kind of qualities is their current partner and want them to behave in a similar way. It is okay to look for the good traits of your ex-partner when choosing the next one, but if you are out with a shopping list which has all your ex’s qualities, then you might need to look at getting closure from the previous affair first. 

You are checking for traits opposite to your previous partner: This is quite understandable if you were dating a cad but unless that is the case, and you want your next partner, not to have a single quality of your ex, than you might still be emotionally attached. It is okay to overlook the bad traits of your ex when looking for the next one, but when you start looking at every tall guy with rejection just because your ex was tall, than you might have a problem to deal with. When a person is still emotionally entangled in the previous relationship, it is a normal reaction when he/she does not want to be reminded about their previous partner. And so, when they go window-shopping for the next one, they have a list of traits completely opposite from their ex. In this case, you might look at getting your emotions sorted out in the previous relationship before getting into a new one.

You avoid going to all the old places: It is natural to have special memories associated with particular places from your past and you might feel like avoiding them in your current relationship. But if you avoid going to all the places you used to frequent with your ex; just because it reminds you of all the good times that you had, then there might be a problem. First, if you were in a long relationship and used to go out often, it is going to leave very few places free to roam around with your new partner. But more importantly, this might indicate that you have still not come out of your past affair and it is hardly prudent to indulge in a new one so soon. 

You are not able to give your complete devotion to the new relationship: When you are in a rebound relationship, you might not be aware about it consciously, but your subconscious usually knows that it is temporary. Somehow, you are not able to give your hundred percent to the new relationship and you hold yourself off from giving in too much. It might be a reasonable reaction to a sore affair in your past, but if you restrain yourself from getting into the relationship wholeheartedly even after a significant time has passed, then there might be a cause for concern. A natural side-effect of a rebound relationship is withholding trust and love and if you do not have just cause for doing so in your present relationship, you might want to re-examine your emotions.

You make comparisons with your previous relationship: A little evaluation of your current affair with your past one is quite normal and common. But when this little evaluation starts ruling your relationship; that is when the trouble starts brewing. If you inevitably end up making comparisons of your current situation with your past relationship, it clearly indicates that you are still in the clutches of your past emotions. It might be a comparison of something that your partner did or said, or it could be the way he behaved or dressed or it might also be how he makes love to you. No matter what the situation was, when you start putting them in the balancing scales with your prior affair, then it is time to do some soul-searching.

If you have discovered that you fall into the category of being in a rebound relationship, you might want to look at getting closure from your past relationship and start a fresh journey.    

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