Saturday, August 16, 2014

The truth behind infidelity

Faith and trust are such delicate pillars in a relationship that once one of these is infested, the entire foundation collapses. It is extremely easy to go down the forbidden path; after all, we have always been warned about the temptation of the taboo. All of us, at some point of time have faced the lure of the illicit but the choices and decisions we make at that point of time determine the consequences in our future. Some give in and some turn away, there is no right or wrong in any of these choices, what is right or wrong is the impact or the consequences of our choices.
There is no one who can guarantee to be loyal and faithful to their spouses or partners, but what one can do, is to promise oneself that they will try their best to stay away from temptation. But, when one knowingly or reluctantly makes the choice to be unfaithful, they most often don’t pay much attention to the consequences of their actions. The thrill of a momentary fling can bring a lifetime of unhappiness to a person but the haze of the attraction towards the forbidden is so strong that such awareness can hardly be expected.   
The betrayer: When one initially comes across the enticement of the illicit, the feelings that are invoked in their minds are so intense and thrilling that all one wants at that point of time, is to hold on to them. This does not mean that one is entirely blind to the results of their actions, but like the ostrich, humans tend to bury their heads inside the sand too. All they can see at that point; is the selfish feelings inside their hearts, not considering that this is probably a temporary thrill which will eventually fade with time. It is not that they have the intention of hurting anybody, what they foolishly believe is that they will never be discovered and nobody will get hurt. It’s laughable and yet very sad, that how otherwise intelligent adults, are reduced to behaving like irresponsible adolescents, when faced with a little forbidden fruit.

And when discovered and made to face the mirror, the picture which stares back at you will not be a pleasant one. Maybe, if the facts had remained hidden one would never have felt the outright disgust, shame, guilt, revulsion and the other tumult of emotions which come as a package when one comes out of the haze. But no matter how sorry you feel there will be no retracting of your deeds, which can wipe the slate clean, giving you a second chance. And even if you do get a second chance, you would have lost something very valuable which is hard to gain back, and that is, trust.
The betrayed: And for the person who has been in the receiving end of the perfidy, there is no worse pain than to find out that the one whom they trusted the most in this world, stabbed them in the back when they least expected it. The question which stares right back at them on such occasions is “what did I do to deserve this?” Human ego is a very fragile thing and that is where we are wounded first and the most. The ego revolts at the fact that they have been duped, betrayed and taken for a ride by the person whom they considered their better-half. And then comes the real hurt from deep within the heart which has been cut so deeply that the wounds would probably take ages to heal. They remember all that they have done for the other person, how much they loved, cared and supported them in their good and bad times. All the moments of love that they spent together, times that they fought and made up, the silly laughter that they have shared, every moment will come to slap them back on their faces. And once considered pleasant, these memories will now become a reminder of the duplicity that their loved one committed.

Sometimes the hurt is so deep and uncontrollable that they will probably feel like physically harming the person. It will make them feel good to hurl all sort of degrading abuses to the other person, making them feel avenged, albeit for a very short while. Calling names, cursing and making them feel like the lowest of humans, act like salve to the wound for a short while. Some might probably carry on the feeling of hatred in their hearts to come to terms with the betrayal and there are others who will turn around and apologize for the comments they have made in anger. Whatever the path one chooses to tread there is no way to go back and undo your actions, once committed, adultery and cheating remains forever etched in the minds of the betrayer and the betrayed.
The aftermath: Affairs which result in the termination of one’s existing relationship; are rarely likely to succeed. Once the thrill and the excitement of a new relationship wear off, you are likely to hold the other person responsible for the break-up of your earlier relationship. Everything that once appealed to you about this person will seem like a burden and in comparison; your current relationship will just seem like an ordinary affair.

If it so happens, that you have found your true love but you are already in another relationship, then instead of betraying your partner’s trust, you can instead end your current liaison first. But mostly what happens is that till a person is sure, they don’t want to leave their current haven, with the fear that they might not be happy with the other person, which is absolutely selfish. The only way to ensure that you are guilt free and happy in your new life is to end your existing one first. It will cause less amount of pain and heartbreak to all the people involved and also ease the feeling of guilt and burden from your own mind.    

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